


Memories Fade but the Scars Still Linger

by Chichirinoda



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Scarification, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-01
Updated: 2011-08-01
Packaged: 2017-10-22 02:42:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/232854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chichirinoda/pseuds/Chichirinoda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Picking up where the last Gamzee/Tavros update left off. This assumes that Gamzee is dead, and that Tavros is close enough to his bubble to be the one to explain things to him. Of course...that means that Gamzee is sober.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories Fade but the Scars Still Linger

**Author's Note:**

> Written for kink_bingo, for the prompt: Scars/Scarification.
> 
>  _There's only need  
>  I love your need  
> So much I'm losing me  
> I cannot see the reason for the pain  
> With hungry joy  
> I'll be your toy  
> Just hoping you will play  
> Without hope my body starts to fail _
> 
> _Memories fade but the scars still linger  
>  Goodbye my friend  
> Will I ever love again  
> Memories fade but the scars still linger  
> I cannot grow  
> I cannot move  
> I cannot feel my age  
> The vice like grip of tension holds me fast  
> Engulfed by you  
> What can I do  
> When history's my cage  
> Look forward to a future in the past _
> 
> _The more I talk  
>  The more I say  
> The less you seem to hear  
> I'm speechless in a most peculiar way  
> Your mind is weak  
> Your need is great  
> And nothing is too dear  
> For you to use to take the pain away  
> Memories fade  
> No don't pretend you can justify the end  
> Memories fade but the scars still linger_  
> \--Memories Fade by Tears for Fears

TC: We cOuLd sPlIt a tIn oF ThE PiMpEsT SnEeZe i gOt oN HaNd, BaKeD Up aLl sPeCiAl fOr yOu.  
TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe mAkE OuT A LiTtLe.   
AT: uH,    
TC: ;o)    
AT: ,  
AT: ,,  
AT: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

Tavros stared at that text on his screen, unaware that his finger was resting on the comma key. Finally he noticed and shut the husktop, rubbing his forehead as the bubble shifted around him, moving into a different memory. A more recent memory of his hive and robot legs and him dead while Gamzee wasn't here.

Except Gamzee _was_ here. In fact, Gamzee's bubble was still in contact with his own, which meant that Gamzee's hive wasn't far away. He could see it out of his window, and he stared for a few moments before getting up and walking outside, then down the beach towards the other hive.

At first, when he had started indulging in the memory he had thought it was just his own. But as things shifted to darker talk he didn't remember, he realized that Gamzee was dead, after all, or perhaps sleeping. Because that slam session had been one he remembered, only it was different, and the ending had definitely been new. He wouldn't say that it was bad, but definitely unexpected.

The night was cool, and the transition strange as he stepped from his grassy plain onto sandy beach. When he had visited Gamzee the very first time, sweeps ago, the other troll had warned him about the dangers of the sea life that lived near his home, and told him never to come near his hive unarmed.

But Tavros wasn't worried about the sea life today, and didn't even know if bubbles _had_ wildlife. Anyway, it wasn't the threat of wildlife that made his heart pound harder and faster with each step.

He swallowed hard as he walked up to the door and knocked.

Gamzee probably still believed he was dreaming, or was still caught in the memory, believing he hadn't yet entered the game and wondering why Tavros had just suddenly disconnected like that. Tavros would have to wake him up, and then find out how his best friend had died.

That was his job, now, sad as it was.

After a few moments, the door opened and Gamzee looked outside, a befuddled and confused expression on his face that turned into glassy-eyed delight. "Tav, my main motherfucker! You didn't fuckin' tell me you were on your way. How did you get here so fast?" He looked past Tavros over in the direction of his hive, then frowned and looked back. "And heeeeeeey, you're walking! Where did you get these miracle legs of yours, my brother?"

Tavros smiled faintly. "It's, uh, a long story. Can I come in? We can jam about it."

"Yeah, yeah, come on in and let's motherfucking jam. I've got some hot pies, and ice cold drinks, and the horn pile just waiting for you to get all up and comfortable," Gamzee drawled, turning away and leading Tavros inside.

Tavros followed, considering what best to do, how best to handle this. The fact that Gamzee hadn't woken up just at the sight of him not in a wheelchair was worrying. What more would it take?

"That was a pretty bitchin' rap session, just now," Tavros hazarded. "It's been, uh, a long time since we had one, because of the game getting so busy, and all."

"The game?" Gamzee glanced at him over his shoulder as they stepped into his respite block. "But we haven't motherfuckin' played the game, yet, my brother. We're all just chillin' and waiting for old Sol to get his programming groove on and tell us when and where, honk honk!"

Tavros sat down on the pile, trying not to set too many of the horns off and failing miserably. Gamzee paused, staring at him, then turned and gazed out the window.

"I just remembered," he said distantly, and Tavros' eyes widened. But Gamzee only said, "I don't think I motherfuckin' like the horns, anymore. Let's go outside and take our chill out on the soft grass. How does that sound, huh?"

"You don't...like horns?" Tavros asked, mystified. He shifted obediently, another horn giving a mournful honk as he pressed his hand down in search of a solid surface to help get himself to his feet. He was still unpracticed with the robotic legs and had trouble getting up from the floor, especially with the rolling, squishing horns underneath him.

"Stop that noise," Gamzee said tightly and Tavros froze. "I said stop that MOTHERFUCKING NOISE."

Tavros looked up, eyes wide and his heart hammering in his chest. He hadn't heard that tone in so long, not in sweeps, and it made his windtube close and his hands start to shake.

Gamzee stared down at him, a neutral expression on his face, eyes a little narrowed. But then he relaxed into a vague, lopsided smile and held a hand out. "Come on, let me help a motherfucker up. You look like you're having a little trouble with those miracle legs."

Tavros hesitated for a long, long moment, then reached up and took the offered hand. Gamzee pulled him up almost effortlessly and grinned, and Tavros smiled back, trying to convince himself that he had just imagined it, that Gamzee had just been freaking out about horns like he often did when he didn't expect to hear them honk.

Gamzee hadn't let go of his hand. He was looking away again, gazing at something Tavros couldn't see.

"Uh, Gamzee?" Tavros whispered. "Let's, uh, go outside?"

"Yeah." Gamzee said, but didn't move for a moment. Then finally he looked at Tavros again, really _looked_ at him, though there was none of that rage and contempt that frightened Tavros in his eyes right now. "I'm real glad you came on over, tonight, my brother," Gamzee said with uncharacteristic seriousness. "I was having some real motherfucking weird thoughts. Like all these motherfuckin' dreams, and I was getting to thinking maybe they were real. But seeing you, like this, it's like those dreams are just dreams, like they're supposed to be."

Tavros looked up into those eyes and tried to smile, but it wouldn't come. "What...kind of dreams?" he asked, sure he didn't want to know the answer.

Gamzee shrugged uncomfortably. "Dark carnival shit. I know you ain't motherfuckin' down with my religion, my brother. I won't bore you with that shit."

Without another word, Gamzee headed for the door, and Tavros trailed along in his wake, connected by their linked hands. Gamzee was holding his hand so tightly his fingers were going numb.

Soon they were outside, a pleasant breeze smelling of salt coming off the ocean. Gamzee didn't seem concerned about the sea monsters now, as he led Tavros down towards the water and then flopped down on a soft grassy patch just above where the sand began. Tavros sat down beside him, drawing his robotic knees towards his chest.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Tavros worked up the courage to speak again. "So, uh, I have to tell you some things. But you, might not like them."

Gamzee rolled his head to one side. "If I'm not gonna motherfuckin' like what you have to say, then do you have to say it?"

Tavros stilled. It was such a strange thing for Gamzee to say that he glanced down at him, almost doubting that it was really Gamzee at all. Who was this person who didn't just take everything in stride?

Gamzee wasn't smiling, and his eyes were sharp again, but there was something else in those eyes that worried Tavros even more - fear.

Where was the person who thought life was a miracle and wasn't afraid of a single damn thing?

"I'm sorry," Tavros said, worrying at his lower lip. "I really, really think I have to."

"You're sorry," Gamzee echoed, turning his head to gaze up at the sky. "My brother, I'm feeling a little under the motherfucking weather tonight. What say we crack a cold Faygo and see how the pies are motherfuckin' doing, and leave all this chitter chatter for another night, yeah?"

Tavros swallowed a lump in his throat. "I'm dead."

Gamzee didn't move or say anything for a long moment. Finally only his lips moved. "Yeah, thought it was something like that."

"Y-you did?"

Gamzee nodded. "Pretty sure I'm dead, too. Don't really remember too terribly much about exactly how I went about motherfuckin' dying. All I remember is green light, but here I am." The other troll's eyes shifted suddenly to look at Tavros. "I didn't want to remember, but while we were sittin' here chilling, I was thinkin' about that dark carnival, and your miracle legs, and it all came together. I remembered I had seen them before, and shit."

Tavros nodded, shifting to face Gamzee more fully. "You were definitely, uh, alive when I died. I thought...I hoped maybe you were just asleep."

Gamzee shrugged. "Don't think I'm asleep, though maybe I am, if I'm dreaming you."

He sat up and reached for Tavros, and Tavros froze, startled and nervous, his heart beating fast again. But Gamzee touched his cheek gently. "Why are you here, my brother? Why'd you motherfuckin' come here. Was it for me? Are you here for me?"

"Yes," Tavros whispered, a little confused by the question, but sure of his answer. He had come here for Gamzee, after all, to tell him what was going on, and answer his questions, and find out if he was all right. Why else would he have come.

Gamzee's expression smoothed into a smile, not one of his vague, loopy grins, but a sharp, pleased smile that had all of his faculties intact. Tavros blinked as the smile shifted a little, drooping at one side, as two deep scars appeared on Gamzee's face. They were fresh and still puckered with purple scabs.

"Oh god," Tavros said, jerking forward a little with shock and concern. "What, uh, happened to your face?"

"Little KITTY GIRL got her CLAWS in me," Gamzee said soothingly, slipping his hand further up and into Tavros' fringe of hair at the back of his head. "Don't you up and worry ABOUT THAT, honk HONK."

Tavros nodded a little, feeling the muscles in his neck creak. He was so tense he could barely move. He wasn't sure what was happening, but he was pretty sure he didn't like it.

"I was thinking I didn't want to remember," Gamzee said quietly. "I was all happy there, for a bit, thinkin' my brain was still all rotted with the slime and not remembering a damn thing. Those horns, though, they started me remembering, and after that I couldn't _not_ remember. YOU DIG?"

"I dig," Tavros murmured. Gamzee combed his fingers through his hair, and that was a little soothing, but also was freaking him out, not sure what Gamzee expected of him.

"There's still some things I don't motherfuckin' remember, though," Gamzee said, looking at Tavros with that piercing, sharp gaze again. "I don't motherfuckin' remember killing you. I remember those others, the WEAK, PUSSY BLUE BLOOD, AND HIS KITTY, but not you. So I figure, you must be a dream."

"I'm not a dream--" Tavros protested, tears starting in his eyes, but Gamzee covered his mouth with his free hand, the other one tightening in his hair.

"Nah, shhhh, don't say nothin'," Gamzee said. "I DON'T WANNA KNOW. You being here is a motherfuckin' miracle, and that's ALL THAT MATTERS."

Tavros swallowed hard and tried to blink back the tears. He didn't know if he should tell Gamzee that he'd been killed by Vriska or not, but he was stuck on what Gamzee had said a few minutes before. Did that mean what he thought it meant? That Gamzee had killed Equius and Nepeta?

But _why_?

Gamzee took his hand away from Tavros' mouth, and Tavros licked his lips before speaking. "You, uh, aren't on the pies, are you?"

"No, man," Gamzee drawled, dropping the hand down to Tavros' nearest leg, exploring it with fascinated fingers. "Motherfuckin' shit rots your BRAIN. I shoulda never started on that SHIT IN THE FIRST place."

"Oh," Tavros said faintly.

He recalled how Gamzee had been before he had started eating the pies. He had been sharp and strong and thought Tavros had liquid shit running through his veins, but they had still had fun together, sometimes. Tavros hadn't resented Gamzee's attitude - he _was_ a highblood, after all. But it had been nice this last sweep, just jamming and messing around, and having fun. Tavros had really felt like Gamzee didn't care about blood, when he was high on the sopor, and that made it nice to be his friend.

"Hey, Tav?"

Tavros blinked out of his thoughts and looked at Gamzee. "Yeah?"

"Was I really talkin' to you before you showed up at my door? JAMMING AND SLAMMING? That was you, not just some dream I was having?"

Tavros nodded. "Yes, that was me." He hadn't been entirely sure it was Gamzee, but apparently it was.

Gamzee's hand was moving higher up on the leg, under the hem of Tavros' shirt, and Tavros squirmed. He had no pants that would fit now, his jeans way too short for legs built by a highblood for a highblood's height. He had gained half a foot in height over the way he'd used to be, so he was just wearing the biggest, longest shirt he owned for now, until he could figure out how to dream up bigger pants. They didn't really make him feel completely covered when Gamzee's hand crept up so high, even though he couldn't actually feel what he was doing while he touched the metal.

"What'd you think of my idea, then?"

"Uhhhhh..." Tavros could feel his cheeks heating up.

Gamzee chuckled and moved his hand from Tavros' hair to his shoulder. Then he shoved hard.

With a yelp, Tavros landed on his back in the grass, Gamzee's hand pinning his shoulder and the other one sliding higher still, almost to where the metal met the stump of his leg where Kanaya had cut him.

"Uh, uh, Gamzee?" Tavros whimpered, squirming. "You, uh, don't have to, make me, I mean, I, might possibly, uh."

"Shut the motherfuck up. Your PATHETIC STUTTERING is so motherfuckin' annoying, IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE."

The stream of stammering was cut off instantly and Tavros looked up at Gamzee, hurt by the words. It had been a long time since he'd felt the need to stammer and stutter in Gamzee's presence. Usually he was one of the few who didn't inspire such nervousness in him.

But not tonight.

Gamzee glowered at him for a moment, then let out a breath and leaned down, pressing a kiss to Tavros' lips.

Tavros closed his eyes and returned the kiss, trying to control his trembling. He had no need to be afraid, he told himself. Gamzee hadn't really hurt him, even when he was sober before. Not _really_. And now Tavros was dead. Even if Gamzee had killed his friends, there was little that he could do to Tavros now. Right?

And there was little reason why Gamzee would _want_ to hurt him, even if Tavros was a low blood, and fairly useless and annoying.

Right?

A tear slipped out of Tavros' eye and tracked back towards his ear.

Gamzee's fingers gentled as Tavros responded, and that hand on his shoulder released him and moved up towards his neck, stroking with fingers and scraping a bit with claws. Enough to make Tavros shiver with pleasure instead of fear. "I'll take care of you, motherfucker," he whispered against Tavros' lips. "You just stay RIGHT HERE with me."

A thought was working its way around Tavros' brain - a thought about why Gamzee might be acting this way - but then Gamzee's hands moved again. Claws dug into the sensitive skin around his right horn and Tavros went limp with a shuddering gasp, and Gamzee shoved his shirt up, baring Tavros from the waist down.

Gamzee rubbed the skin right where the metal leg met his real leg. "Can you FEEL THIS, my brother? Or is this part of you all numb and shit?"

Tavros swallowed, only a miniscule amount of saliva available to moisten a dry mouth. The fingers at the base of his horn sent a mixture of pleasure and pain through him, enough to keep him limp and pliable on the ground. He could move if he _needed_ to, but he already knew he wouldn't fight Gamzee.

"Yeah," he croaked. "I...I can feel it."

"That's good," Gamzee murmured. "That's real MOTHERFUCKING GOOD. You're just perfect, Tav."

Tavros blinked. "I am?" he asked in a small voice.

With the way Gamzee was talking, the way he was when he was sober, he had expected at any moment for Gamzee to start in on him for how low his blood was, how it made him weak and stupid and like nothing compared to Gamzee. He had been prepared to agree. He hadn't been prepared to be told he was perfect.

"Yeah, just motherfucking perfect, like a gift JUST FOR ME," Gamzee purred, and his hand was rubbing at Tavros' bulge. The hard shield of bone with its sensitive nerve endings just beneath throbbed under that commanding hand.

"G-Gamzee," Tavros whimpered, arching his back a little. The heels of his legs dug into sand, giving him little purchase, but he wasn't trying to get away. Quite the opposite.

Gamzee knelt between his legs and covered him with his body. They kissed, and Tavros lifted a hand to Gamzee's shaggy hair, rubbing gentle fingers at the base of Gamzee's horns in return. The highblood stiffened for a moment, then relented to the touch, kissing and nipping at Tavros' lips until they swelled and bled.

"You take this off," Gamzee said suddenly, letting go and tugging at the hem of Tavros' shirt. "I wanna see ALL OF MY motherfuckin' best motherfucker."

Tavros blushed even further, but sat up obediently, pulling the shirt up and working it off his horns. Gamzee made a hissing sound and Tavros froze again, but there was nothing for it but to finish so he could see what had prompted the noise.

When he had worked the shirt off over his head and could see again, he saw Gamzee staring at his chest in shock.

"Oh, uh..."

Gamzee reached out, touching the puckered scar. "DID I MOTHERFUCKIN' do this to you?" Gamzee's eyes flicked over Tavros' body and his hand lifted to Tavros' neck, rubbing there, but Tavros didn't know why.

"N-no," Tavros stammered. "Uh, that's what I was, trying to tell you. Vriska, uh, killed me. Not you."

"Cut your motherfucking head off, BUT I DIDN'T KILL YOU," Gamzee said, the words bringing a whimper of distress to Tavros' lips, which Gamzee ignored. "You're not a dream, are you? NOT A MOTHERFUCKING GIFT, or my imagination. You're _you_ , and you're dead."

Tavros nodded, looking into Gamzee's newly scarred face, and seeing his eyes finally fade to white. Those blank eyes widened, and Tavros knew that Gamzee was seeing his own dead-white eyes for the first time. The last of the illusions had fallen away.

Naked and shivering a little, Tavros lifted his hands and cupped Gamzee's face. He rubbed the scar with his thumb, his lips trembling. "I'm me," he whispered. "And I'm your friend, just like I've always been."

"You're just a motherfucking dirtblooded--" Gamzee began harshly, then stopped, scowling. "You really gonna motherfucking go and say that? EVEN WITH ME BEING SOBER, AND ALL? You think we can still go and be motherfucking FRIENDS."

Tavros drew in a breath and let it out. "I came here, for you, like I said," he murmured, pressing his lips gently and eagerly to Gamzee's lips. "And I won't, uh, leave you alone. Not if you want me, here."

Gamzee didn't move at first, but slowly lifted his hands to encircle Tavros' back and pull him closer, his lips softening and beginning to move under Tavros' kisses.

"Yeah, that's just motherfuckin' fine," Gamzee murmured, laying Tavros back down on the soft grass and lifting up to look at him with eyes narrowed. Tavros had been prepared for more kissing, maybe more of Gamzee touching him with those sure, confident long-fingered hands. But he squirmed self-consciously under that critical gaze. "But we gotta do something about that scar," Gamzee went on, running a finger around the circular puckered mark. "Can't have Vriska thinkin' she can go and all mark up somethin' that motherfucking BELONGS TO ME, and there won't be any CONSEQUENCES."

"Uh..." Tavros stared up at him, wide-eyed. "What...are you going to do?"

"Just gonna fix it up," Gamzee drawled. "You just stay right fuckin' still, okay? I won't take long."

"W-what?"

Gamzee produced a short knife from his specibus and Tavros stiffened. "Wait! Wait, what are you, uh, doing?"

"I already TOLD YOU WHAT THE FUCK I'M DOING," Gamzee said impatiently. "Close your eyes, and stay STILL LIKE I TOLD YOU. You just be nice and fucking know your place, YOU GET ME?"

The urge to abscond overtook Tavros almost like a physical force. He dug his fingers into the grass, and his heels into the sand, and nearly, very nearly pushed himself up and fled as that knife came closer.

But he knew if he left now, he could never return. And who else would stand by Gamzee? If he really had murdered their friends, and gone sober, who else would stay with him? He would be truly alone, and Tavros couldn't stand that, even after what he had done.

He closed his eyes and bit his lip so hard he could feel blood well up and drip down his chin from the points of his fangs. "Please," he whispered. "Don't, do this, Gamzee."

The point of the knife sliced into his chest, just above and to the left of the scar Vriska had left on his body. Tavros whimpered in pain as Gamzee cut into him, though he could tell the slice was shallow. Gamzee wasn't _stabbing_ , not killing, he was just cutting.

"Yeah, that's right," Gamzee said in an almost soothing tone. "Just you hold still while I make miracles with your body, Tav."

"Oh god," Tavros whimpered, tears welling up and squeezing between his eyelids as he held them tightly shut.

Gamzee completed the first cut and Tavros thought for a moment it was over. He panted for breath, shaking, his fingers sunk deep into the soft ground.

"You okay there, my brother?" Gamzee asked, and Tavros opened his eyes. His friend was looking down at him with eyes that burned with some kind of emotion.

Lust. Dear god, it was lust.

"Y-yeah, I think so," Tavros stammered, afraid to look down and see what Gamzee had done. His chest _burned_ like fire where the cut had been made, and the tip of Gamzee's blade was slicked with his orangy-brown blood.

"Good," Gamzee purred, curling his fingers against Tavros' bone bulge again. Tavros closed his eyes with another whimper, this one of pleasure.

The sparks of sensation that went through him at the stimulation helped to lessen the pain in his chest, and he arched again into Gamzee's hand, trying to encourage him to do more of that, do more of the nice thing, no more of the cutting.

Then the knife sliced into him again, this time on the upper right, and Tavros cried out.

Gamzee's hand was on his groin, curling around the bulge and rubbing the pads of his fingers gently against the slick, soft flesh underneath. Despite the pain, Tavros' bulge was swelling with blood, flushing and emerging from under the protective bone sheath, coiling around Gamzee's arm as he pulled and stimulated it gently.

The sensation was so intense, it made Tavros want to writhe, but the knife cut and cut, burning like fire as Gamzee cut a second shape into his flesh.

"Stop, please stop!" Tavros sobbed. "G-Gamzee, please!"

"Almost motherfucking done this masterpiece," Gamzee soothed him, and the knife sliced again, this time into Tavros' belly.

Tavros screamed and sobbed and pleaded, pleasure and pain mixing together until he couldn't tell which way was up and where the pain ended and pleasure began.

As the last cut finally, mercifully ended, Gamzee threw the knife into the grass. Tavros had time to draw one, grateful, shuddering breath through his sobs, and then Gamzee bent over him and kissed him hungrily.

Even more hesitant than before, Tavros lifted his hands and clung to Gamzee's shirt, curling his fingers in the fabric as he struggled to calm down, choking on sobs and shaking so hard he could barely return the kiss. His chest burned even more fiercely as Gamzee pressed close to him, but Gamzee's fingers dug into the base of his horn again and he went limp with a broken moan.

"You're motherfucking MINE NOW," Gamzee growled into Tavros' mouth, tugging his pants down just enough to bare his own bulge and pushing Tavros' legs further apart.

Another sob ripped its way from Tavros' throat, but then Gamzee pressed forward, his bulge sliding into Tavros' nook. Pleasure whited out the pain and misery, and Tavros keened in the back of his throat, his own bulge mindlessly seeking Gamzee's bulge in return.

They were locked together, rocking and gasping, Tavros' pants and keening moans intense enough to tear at his throat, as Gamzee groaned and growled, kissing Tavros again and again.

Tavros kissed Gamzee like he was drowning and Gamzee's lips gave him air. He clung and arched, ignoring the burning, throbbing ache and the way his chest stuck to Gamzee's shirt, soaked with his blood.

At least when Gamzee was doing this, he wasn't hurting him. And the pleasure made it easier to forget the pain in his chest, and the ache in his heart.

Release came abruptly and intensely. Tavros screamed and Gamzee's own cry spiralled towards the sky with his, as genetic material flowed hot into their nooks and mixed with their own.

Gamzee didn't collapse on top of Tavros, who lay limp and boneless and still panting for breath, his heart hammering in his chest as he started to wonder what Gamzee was going to do next. Instead, the highblood pulled out, wasting the genetic material as it flowed into the grass, and stretched out next to him.

A gentle finger swiped through the blood on Tavros' chest and Tavros whimpered.

"Sorry," Gamzee murmured. "Guess that hurt a whole lot."

Tavros ran those words through his head a few times, trying to decide if they were really an apology. "Uh...it's, okay," he said softly, though he didn't really feel like it was okay at all.

"I'll never motherfucking hurt you again," Gamzee said, cupping his cheek. "YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT, so long as you're good, yeah?"

Tavros sniffed and opened his eyes, looking down. Two circles and a wide smiling mouth had been added to the scar on his chest, turning it into a clown face. The cuts weren't deep, but he was sure he would bear the scars forever.

He closed his eyes again and dropped his head limply back to the grass. "You...promise?" he murmured.

"Yeah," Gamzee said. "I up and promise, ABSOLUTELY, honk HONK. Just couldn't stand the sight of that ugly scar. BUT NOW IT'S ALL AND FIXED, and you're my matesprit. How could I hurt the MOST PITIFUL MOTHERFUCKER I know?"

Tavros' breath caught in his throat and he opened his eyes, turning his head as much as he could to look at Gamzee. The highblood was smiling almost softly, though his eyes were still completely sharp, without a hint of the glassiness of sopor.

"You, uh...want me to be your matesprit?" Tavros asked meekly.

Gamzee nodded slowly, rubbing gently at the skin at the base of Tavros' horn. "Think you can pity this highblood motherfucker enough for that?"

Tavros swallowed hard and nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and just praying that Gamzee wouldn't be upset at the idea of someone as lowblooded as him having pity for a purple-blooded troll. The thing was, he had always pitied Gamzee, for his loneliness, for the way he had to drown himself in sopor to allow himself to be the person he wanted to be.

Maybe, if he could stand it, and worked hard enough, he could help Gamzee to be that person again. Maybe even help him to be that person, while sober.

Tavros shifted closer and pressed a gentle kiss to Gamzee's lips. "I'm not, uh...going anywhere," he whispered. "I'll be good, for you. Just, the way you want me, so long as you don't hurt me, again. But uh, if I'm not happy, then I might leave. So, uh... please don't do anything like that, ever again."

He held his breath, sure Gamzee was going to get angry with him now.

But Gamzee only smiled. "It's a deal, motherfucker, HONK honk HONK," he purred, tugging him close and tucking Tavros against his long, lanky body.

It was the best he could hope for. Tavros closed his eyes and relaxed, and tried not to shiver in the cool wind coming up off the sea.


End file.
